An Adventure In Wellness🧘🏼‍♀️🥥📚

Twists & Turns

Just when you thought life couldn’t be more ass backwards…

When I was eleven/twelve or so, I turned my ankle for the first time of many, a couple of which resulted in sprained foots, which always boggled the doctors because my ankles were unaffected.

My freshman year of high school, I couldn’t make it half a mile without feeling crushed by the middle back pain.

“Well this sucks.” I thought. “Must be getting old.”

I started my first long term job when I was 16, slangin’ subs at Subway downtown. Sorry…I was a “sandwich artist ” Eventually, I noticed a lingering pain where my neck met my shoulders, which I voiced to my coworker. “I get that, too.” She said. “Think it’s from looking down all the time. So, I just look up.”


Ok. Job related crap that we all go through. I’m sure hefting those 5 gallon buckets up from the basement to fill the ice machine didn’t help either.

Over the years I had various ailments and annoyances, which I always attributed to something else.

Numb hands and arms with sharp lightning bolts shooting up and down? Subway.

Stiff neck that I can’t turn for days? Slept wrong

Stiff back and excruciating lumbar pain and I can’t get off the couch for a week at a time? Lifted wrong

Can hardly move after a full shift at work? Mary, you’re overweight.

Horrendous sciatic nerve pain? Wore heels, slept wrong, lifted wrong, ate too many breakfast sandwiches, whatever.

I would find my bras never fitting right, the right strap of the tank top constantly falling down, and shirt necklines always being a little…off.

Standing was and still is a nightmare unless I’m leaning on something, which always made me feel extra lazy, as if I had no right to be exhausted by it.

I consulted the midwife about the sciatica during my first pregnancy and how to cope during the next 30 weeks or so. She said if I had an issue we would call a chiropractor. While she didn’t investigate any further, I said hell no because I’ve heard that chiropractors are never good to go to.

Something about “once you crack you keep going back “? If only I had actually done my research and stopped hanging on what I “heard”.

My second pregnancy was so unbearably painful that I had trouble walking by the 13th week and was out of work by 25 weeks.

My doc basically told me it was because I was old and fat.

If I had a dollar for everyone who told me my issues were because of being “fat” and “lazy” and “a smoker”, I could buy a house.

Camping, one of my favorite things to do ever in life, is torturous because I wake up unable to move and stiff as a board and have to grab fistfuls of Eric’s shirt to get out of bed.

Camping while pregnant was even better 🙄

Every single photo I’ve ever taken through the view finder on my DSLR has been crooked and I never understood why.

I’ve had weirdo lung issues since before I ever inhaled my first bogie, but it’s absolutely only cuz I smoke – forget all the times I HAVENT smoked or that maybe I’m nutritionally deficient or have this weird rib hump where my left side presses in against my lungs and my right presses out.

I’ve been dealing with this crap for 20 years, never knowing or understanding any of it, merely passing it off as this or that.

Most recently, I started losing the strength in my hands and arms, I thought it was the carpal tunnel, suddenly taking its turn for the worse. I found myself unable to work on my Honda and having trouble carrying the kids and at work. My hand was freezing in place if I tried to grip something too long (coffee or a purse, for example) and I had the strength of a newborn baby.

My only option was natural remedies, one of which requires a license. So I started digging for the proof of my chronic pain. I dug through all the medical records I could find going back to 2001.

I pulled up a random X-ray in my Lifespan portal which I had never looked at because as far as I knew, my bones were fine🤷🏼‍♀️

There was no photo, only the X-ray findings, and as I skimmed through, my eyes caught a single word.

Well, two really:

Moderate Scoliosis.

Wait. What?!

Moderate scoliosis.

I damn near lost my shit. I continued to randomly lose my shit over this topic because I couldn’t fathom why a competent medical professional never considered this to be information that I should know.

So I never looked at my X-rays in the ER because I thought they are routine and showed nothing.

I never asked about my protruding rib cage because I thought it was something else. Until a month ago, anything I knew about scoliosis I learned from Deanie by Judy Blume. Short of the rib cage, my spine wasn’t visibly curved , no matter how many times I peered at it awkwardly or took front facing screen shots in the mirror.

Through all the exams over the course of three full term pregnancies, it was never mentioned.

No, indeed. Any issue I ever had was because I was fat. Bearing in mind that I wasn’t actually fat until my last 3 pregnancies in the last 4 years. I certainly wasn’t fat in high school or at any other time until I had huge 9lb babies.

But I digress.

I finally got updated X-rays of my whole spine today and I have 2-3 curves, one of which being “marked” and “significant “. See the above photo, FFS!

I’ve shrunk two inches in three years.

Like magic eureka, everything made sense. At least in regards to my lifelong shit list of weirdness that I never could explain.

I started researching in early July 2018, because I’ll be damned if I let this end me. I’ll be damned if I have another half witted asshole taking charge of my health, and the health of my children, who are directly affected by me and my genetics. I had to ask two times for these most recent X-rays, which is two times too many. Time and time again, I’m looking for answers and getting scribbled prescriptions instead.

I’ve been told that no matter what I do -diet, lifestyle changes and yoga will do absolutely nothing to help this situation. Once I reach the point that I’m at now, surgery is the only option. Opioids and injections are a standard course of action.


I actually enjoy being underestimated sometimes. I enjoy when people think I’m crazy because I beg for alternatives to bullsht.

I also greatly enjoy learning and teaching myself and sharing acquired knowledge with others who may also benefit.

So, we begin a new adventure. An adventure to health and happiness.

I welcome you to join us as we dive into the world of wellness 🧘🏼‍♀️☯️🥑🥥🥦🍎🍇💐

And science.

And genetics.

Diet and nutrition and neurotransmitters and gut health and smoothies, oh my!

And yoga. An adventurous world of the incredible mojo of YOGA!

Because my goals still include The Pacific Northwest, Mesa Verde, Yellowstone & the Amazing Franconia Ridge Trail:

Check out its Awesomeness Here!

News Reporter

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